If Only Hope
by Lover of Narnia
Summary: Devastated by their parting, Caspian and Susan search for some way to be with each other again. They are constantly plagued by the though...if only...


**Author's Notes:** My second drabble. I promised it would be longer! :) Any how the theme for this one was _If Only_. I tried to convey that theme, but at the same time tell a special story.

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><p>If only the days had been longer. If only time could have drawn out the few shorts weeks into countless years. If only Aslan's will had been for her to stay. The world was just a blur of senseless colors to a man lost in reminiscing with the past. His mind was fully alive with ever recollection of the woman he loved. Questions swirled and feelings pounded him down until he was left with only one thought…if only…<p>

He began to wish and wonder what would have happened if he had asked the Great Lion for her to remain. If only he had taken advantage of the moments they had been given. If only he hadn't pushed aside his adamant desires and held them back for another day. Surely if only he had known he would had shown her his heart and the given her the key to unlock it.

Caspian found it hard not to relive every second he had breathed in her presence. He could swear he had counted the tiny freckles on her cheeks dozens of times, simply as a distraction, so his eyes would not constantly stare into hers. He memorized every strand of her hair and every crease and line in her lips. He found it almost shocking to himself that he recollected so many things about her…and again….if only…

He tortured himself with guilt and wonderment, wishing he could rewind time, which he was a constant slave to. He even had once come to close to begging Aslan to make her return, his suffering was such. He dreamed of her every night and even in day he thought of her; seeing her in every lovely face of every young girl.

Caspian knew she would not return, but he was desperate for some proof of it. Aslan's words were enough to silence his lips, but his searching continued in his heart. He wondered if he would find peace to his constant thoughts….if only…

The King awoke in his bed dripping sweat, gasping, for fresh air, groping and crawling from his bed. He collapsed near the window sill, and there knelt, breathing, his hands folded in silent plea. _Please if only a second chance…_

She felt very foreign in her world. Very out of place in the bustle of the city streets. The constant chatter of talking and the honking of car horns…there seemed to be no peace in a constantly moving world. Without beside her a strong young man she felt lost…not only outside among the places she should know, but inside where she should be able to govern her heart. She had always been one to carefully mask emotions and hide them behind a screen of indifference…but he rendered her vulnerable and tender. He disarmed every weapon and smashed every shield she ever had. He had stolen her away from this strange world…and into his in which she wasn't destined to stay.

Susan struggled with her far away love every moment of her life. Her lips were often parted in a soft breath of sadness and her cheeks often stained with tears. Oh to see him again, if only she could just be with him for a moment. The simple kiss she had placed so delicately upon his lips had been a taste of what could have become them. She longed to share another with him…but how could she go back! Aslan made clear she would not.

Upon her bed at home, with door locked and window's open she cried, clutching a half written letter which she had begun to him. But he would never receive it from her. If only the winds of the world could carry it to Narnia for her….right into his hands. If only she could spread wings and fly to him…

She chocked back further tears and rose…coming to her window and staring out. A bird chirped and stared at her from the roof with round black eyes and a cheerful sort of smile upon it's feathered face. She reached out toward it with a sniffle…and strangely it came to her instead of flying away. Gasping she cupped her hands and it hopped upon them.

Susan, with new excitement took the creature in and stroked it as thought it was beloved. "Bird…you understand me?" she asked softly and it nodded it's small head.

She held her breath and let it down on the covers of her bed. She then took the letter and fell down upon the chair for her desk…quickly writing every word she had been dying, inwardly, to tell him. After finished she kissed the paper and signed it in graceful hand _Susan _

The bird snatched it up in its beak when she offered it to it, and then flew out the window…ready to deliver its previous message. "If only…" Susan thought "Oh, please, If only…"

Caspian, exhausted and unanswered lay near his window, his hands still folded his face damp. He was not really asleep but lost in a day-dream…another memory. When a bird then chirped near from upon his sill and he sat up slowly, staring at the letter which was signed …._Susan…_

_If only… _he thought and desperately unfolded it, almost exclaiming with delight at seeing the words…so real…

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><p><strong>Ending Notes:<strong> So...what did you think of this one! :D Better...maybe? Please review and let me know!


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